I Am Mindful Of Where I Currently Stand

It’s not an easy task to find myself, to discover a form of who I once was before things became… Different.

There was a time when the words just flew out of me before I could make sense of them – when it all felt magical and effortless.

When I had no other reason to write except for my own self-indulgence.

For a few years now I have felt stuck. Unsure of how to go about my writing or where to take it.

By no means am I a professional, so trying sell my writing is something I can only describe as “out of my league”.

So where does someone like myself start? I write these random articles with the intent to express myself, to find something within my soul I recognize.

Everything feels like it has to have some purpose. I know I’m not a child anymore, if I want to write as a professional I have to aspire to take my writing somewhere, but where is always the question.

My writing can be for fun, but it has to also earn a living. My random articles have to be proper and my topic(s) have to change and follow a set pattern to create income and gather views.

I have reviewed the blogs of others and observed their writing styles. Taking it all in as I wonder to myself, “what do I want to do?”.

I list out different topics I enjoy trying to persuade myself that if I follow those interests than I can accomplish much.

  • I love Japan and want to live there.
  • Anime is my most favorite thing to indulge in.
  • I want to be a freelance writer/photographer.
  • Playing video games is something I take pleasure in.
  • I love different types of poetry.
  • I want to create my own fictional world’s.

I try to mix these things together; get confused and never end up doing anything, except write articles like these.

No real advice, no guidance, no signs. I still feel like a little boy walking in a world of questions I could never hope to find answers to. Posts like this one are the closest I get to really letting it flow out.

With no proper learning environment, no sort of guidance and no real experience I feel trapped in a loop with constant adversities and no way out.

I feel as though if my words are not filled with the intent to earn money and look like a professional than I probably shouldn’t be writing.

Whenever I feel up to it I write about something on my blog; poetry, anime reviews, personal thoughts, etc.

Writing truly does fill me with happiness and joy. Once the ball gets rolling I can write for hours, it’s just getting said ball going that is always the problem.

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